I feel a waste of space. Things I have I haven’t earned. I have a good job, working with my dad. I’m happy, because of my boyfriend.
I don’t use the one thing I feel particularly good at and I’ve given up on what I love most. The neigh neigh that lives north of nowhere.
This isn’t where I saw myself and I feel like time is running out. I keep forgetting being 19 isn’t the end, or nearing the end or it could be. Maybe it’s that the majority of my friends are considerably older than me and far more accomplished then I am, yet they’re seemingly in the same place. I didn’t see myself being anywhere, just not here.
A lot can happen in a year. I wonder what my life is like in comparison to others. The last year, all the dragons, happenings are never boring.
I wish we had a quota on suffering, that once we learned a hard life lesson we were done. What I fear most is not the actual happen but the inescapable suffocating impending doom.
In comparison, it never seemed worse than the dread.
In the end everything will be OK. If it’s not OK than it’s not the end.
