Nikola Tesla percieved the earth as a conductor of acoustical resonance.

Unemployment.

It's a shame there's not too much I learned from being fired, perhaps if the store was ever properly managed and I was given legitimate reasons I would have.

I was right, and this is what I imagine being wrongly accused and jailed feels like.

Now that my anger has subsided there isn't really anything worth doing in relation to the company. I won't gain anything out of it, I won't believe anything else they say I've done after the fabrications they've claimed.

This is the first time in my life I haven't obsessed on where I'm going, what I'm doing. I know. I'm going to university to study something that I am not bored by. The outcome of these qualifications gives me the two options of the careers I answered when asked as a child.

I'm starting 2010 with the best mental health I've ever had. The medicine really saved my life.

Zap and I are back together. Since the motivation behind being together changed, our relationship has significantly. This time we're grown ups, and not just together because we fell into this. I love him very much.

It's 1 o'clock on a Sunday, I have nothing to do tomorrow apart from cook things I've always wanted to try and look at shit on the internet. Life is good.

Skydived.

Was all about conquering my fear of heights. What better way to do this than by being pressured into jumping out of a plane?

Was Kimba's 21st. She wanted to go skydiving. This was Saturday.

So our jump was delayed by about 3 hours. By the time it came to get in the plane I had a lost a lot of my nervous. I jumped with B, Pascoe, Nash and Jess. Both Nash and I were extremely nervous. K and the first lot went hours before us, when they were getting their harnesses put on, I saw one of the instructors and pointed out to Beth that he was both sturdy looking and a total babe and I wanted to get him. I ended up getting paired with him, his name was Phil and he was Irish. B was sorely dissapointed.

So I get my harness put on, when it comes time to do the jump. We all load into the little bus that take us to the airport. We're all introducing ourselves and loading up on the plane and it is decided that Phil and I will be jumping first. I am sitting facing the others at the back of the plane because I couldn't fit my legs in unless I was there. It is cramped. There is a guys foot on me.

Phil is eating a sandwich.

The plane starts to take off, and that in itself is absolutely terrifying. Phil is holding my shoulders and pulling me back to lean on him. He's whispering in my ear the whole way up, reassuring and pointing out landmarks. He has his hand on my leg and joking with me. He ended up hugging me the whole way up. At one point he remarks 'You're alright, we're at 9000ft, even if the plane crashed now I'll parachute us to safety'. So he's talking to me the whole time and adjusting my goggles, we're close to 15,000 feet now. The red light signaling to jump goes off. I pull open the side of the door and he moves over to sit on the edge. I go to jump out but now he is sitting on the edge of the plane and I'm strapped to him just dangling out of the plane. I'm dangling out of a plane. Phil is pretending to jump and trying to tease me and sike me out, this was not neccessary.

After a minute or so of this he jumps.

Banana! Banana! Banana!

I can't really compare it to anything. The freezing air feels like its trying to pull the skin off your face, I opened my mouth briefly which was a mistake. The pressure makes it feel like my head is going to explode, we're flipping through the air.

Freefalling is absolutely fucking terrifying.

He pulls the parachute cord and we go shooting up into the sky. He spends the rest of the trip stroking my hair and telling me its going to be alright. He has to do some turns which he says 'will be just like a rollercoaster' This is a lie. So we're floating about, and I'm saying 'Please stop Phil, Please Stop Please Stop Please Stop' and he's saying 'Its OK, It's fun, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' Lets test the brakes. 'WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

He said lets make you more comfortable, and undid the bottom hooks, which was absolutely fucking terrifying. He asked me if I wanted him to loosen my leg straps and I was crying saying, Please don't, Please don't, Please don't.

The worst part is the brakes, when we stopped moving it feels like we are just going to plummet to the ground.

It feels like you could just step off the parachute and land on the ground, Phil points out that we are still a kilometre from the ground. We try to spot some dolphins, but are not successful.

We chat the whole way down, we are far away from everybody else. Everybody else lands and we are the second last to come down. Everyone else lands on their feet but I land in Phils lap on the beach. We hug. Kimba and a large group of friends were at the beach taking photos.

It was such a bizzaro experience, made even more bizzaro that my instructer and I were in love in the moment.

I say goodbye to Phil and attend the beach BBQ where I eat far too much cake.

Everyone is teasing me about the loving going on between me and Phil. Apparently their instructers just threw them out with no warning a few seconds after Phil and I jumped. B is so jealous she did not get Phil. She said " I was comforted just looking at him comfort you." Phil was the only redeeming thing about the jump, the whole thing was absolutely fucking terrifying beyond words. B says she had no redeeming quality and I quote she 'Just isn't into extreme sports like she thought she would be'.

Melbournite

Recently I went on a holiday with some friends to Melbourne. The whole trip wasn't the holiday I had hoped for. I was meant to have been going with Zac but obviously wasn't, so I was stuck with two very happy couples. It was really fun for the most part but I found myself unbearably missing him.

The Melbourne cup was so windy. So very, very windy. I looked great though. I am featured in a news report about punters getting so drunk and messy at the cup, standing in the background looking dissaprovingly at the drunkards on the ground. A lot of retards used my feather eyelashes as an excuse to talk to me, which got a bit tiring having the same conversation over and over.

We went out that night, we went to a bar and this boy bought my table drinks and winked at me. This I ignored but enjoyed the beverages.

So it turns out Tib and Ton are really rascist, there was a lot of me getting offended and telling them to stfu.

We spent the first day in bars and playing drinking games in the hotel room, there was a lot of hilarious nudity. The second day was Melbourne cup, and the night out at clubs and bars. The last day we spent idling around the shops and sipping a lot of coffee. It was a lovely holiday, it was just painful for me.

Burney was wonderful and picked me up from the airport that night.

NAS the rap guy

I have a relatively surprising life.

Friday night I went to drink with my new best friend and some of her friends. That rapper NAS, as in the worldwide famous rap guy, was in Brisbane. We ended up getting on the door, which is awesome because tickets were $100+. They came to pick me up when Straker gets a phone call from his friend that listed us on the door, saying that 'NAS is demanding a heater, he won't go on stage until someone brings him a heater'.

We're like 'shit. Where the fuck do you get a heater from at 9 o'clock on a Friday?'. New best friend has one lying about at her place, so we go to collect it and rush to take it to NAS, who by the way, for a 'gangsta' shouldn't need a heater in Brisbane on an October night. Its like 25 degrees out. So we rush to take NAS the heater and drive down the one way road that Tivoli is on. Bring Nas the heater (who is surrounded by a gaggle of real life hoes and stretch hummers) and return to the car, who new best friend is now driving the wrong way down a one way street. So, she makes the turn, thats one situation rectified. We're halfway back when we get a call from the tour manager 'Dude, this is a fan.'

So, we pretty much let NAS down.

In conclusion, I have been really good at meeting rappers lately. With Phrase and Drapht and those other rappers from Sounds of Spring. Unintentional groupie friend.

The worst of times.

One of the worst things about the breakup was wondering how I was going to take care of myself. When I got sick, he was there, he looked after me.

I drank way too much last night and went down with the same sickness I seem to be experiencing a lot lately. Its not proportionate to how much I drink and it is pretty much impossible to foresee. I got home at around 2 in the morning or thereabouts, and couldn't leave, couldn't move from the bathroom. Once the sun had come up and I was still there, it was really clear I wouldn't be able to sort myself out, so I had to call H to come help me.

Friday night I was followed home from the train station by a drunk man, I can't protect myself, its so fucking terrifying.

Its really not getting any easier. Honestly, nothing has ever hurt me this much. I can't take care of myself apparently.

Muddy water

And he is gone. Wounded animal.

Still trying to get my life back together. At the very least quit smoking, go back to the gym and finally sort out who the fuck is going to move in here.

Going to pierce my nose when I stop with the constant smoking, will put a ring through it. Dye my hair red.

This is still astoundingly hard, it completely shook me like nothing ever has before. I couldn't expect too much more right now.

Sentence.

Still am not feeling any better. I stand by that if he had of at least talked to me, this would have been a lot easier for me. Having this as a 'surprise' definitely was not a good thing that happened. I would give anything to go back, I'm not sure if it makes me feel better or worse to know he never wanted that anyway.